The Jerk – My Pick for Greatest American Film

The greatest movie ever, you ask? Surely this is satire. It would be blasphemy to think that a dumb comedy could ever be spoken of in the same breath as Citizen Kane, Gone With the Wind, or even The Godfather, as the jewels of American Cinema.

Well listen up movie snobs, as I introduce it to those who haven’t yet been seduced by its charms, and then compare and contrast it with these other seemingly dissimilar movies.

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Jaybird On Schools

When you put your thoughts and words out there on a regular basis, folks come to expect an opinion on everything that comes up. While I generally have strong ideas on a lot of subjects, sometimes I’m torn. The hard issues are hard for everybody and I’m no exception.

And since I’ve been pretty vocal about schools on multiple occasions, I’m repeatedly asked about the latest controversy.

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100 Beaches in a Bowl

Someday, in I hope the far distant future, somebody will throw out the glass bowl that currently sits on a shelf in our bathroom. While it means the world to me, both literally and figuratively, it will sadly be near worthless to anybody else after we’re gone. Though I won’t be surprised if they dump it and keep the bowl.

It’s filled with sand and seashells mostly, with a few tiny coral pieces mixed in, and a generous sprinkling of colorful sea glass. They’re the treasures of maybe a hundred perfect days with my family, on some beach or another.

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Playing With Dolls

Somewhere around ten or twelve, it became my job to put up my grandmother’s Christmas trees. She had three. One in each of her second story picture windows, and a third, downstairs in her beauty salon on St. Joe Avenue.
There was a big, fake one, a smaller fake one, and the fakiest of all, the aluminum with the colored light wheel. She rotated them around from year to year.
But one constant was her Character Dolls. One of her customers made them. Fairy tale icons mostly. Robin Hood’s in there. So is Bo Peep. And the Jolly Green Giant for some reason.

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Talking S*** About Sewers

I value my sewer connection. Let me be clear on that!
I think sanitation is what separates us from the lesser beasts. (Though some are certainly separated further than others.)
But modern sanitation ain’t a walk in the park.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to go back to those halcyon days, when you could just dump your waste in the river? Arrogantly thumbing our noses at anybody downstream, and blessedly ignorant of anybody above.
But these days, we handle our s*** differently.

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