Mind your Business: Control What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t, and Dwell in the Realm You Choose

Meditations about career and business

by Shannon Bond

Stoic philosophy talks a lot about understanding what is within our control, what isn’t, and what is indifferent. In today’s market, it may be more important than ever to understand this concept and take mindful action to stay in the center. The center, as we’ve discussed in previous articles, can be described as the human realm in Eastern philosophy’s theory of the six realms.

But before we dive into our mash-up of Stoicism’s idea of indifferents and Buddhism’s idea of the six realms, let’s talk about what is in our control. Our actions. That’s it. We don’t even control our thoughts and emotions. Over time, with intentional practice, we can condition our thoughts and emotions, but they will always rise and fall away based on stimuli. And we may influence exterior events, such as employee and colleague behavior, market forces, sales, and production, but we don’t control those either. All we can hope to do is influence events and keep a level head so we can react the way we want when events unfold. Bad events or good, our actions are all we control.

No amount of worrying, complaining, ranting, raving, or fit-throwing will change a situation we don’t like. All those actions do is waste time and divert productive energy away from actions that would help us reach our goals. I’m not saying we don’t have initial reactions full of expletives; those are involuntary at times, but after that visceral response passes, that’s where we find opportunity.

Mindfulness as an Auditing Tool

A little mindfulness helps us keep our energy productive instead of destructive, so let’s look at an exercise that may help (and then we’ll discuss the difference between what’s important and what is an indifferent in the Stoic sense). Let’s call our exercise “The Control Audit” for your business day. At the end of your workday, or even during a short break, take 5-10 minutes to reflect on events, especially if you are in the midst of a stressful situation.

Step 1. List the Challenges:

Write down 3-5 specific challenges, frustrations, or sources of stress you’ve recently encountered. Be specific.

• Example: “Barbara sent an unreasonable report revision request.”
• Example: “Joe was late with his part of the report.”
• Example: “The new marketing campaign isn’t generating leads.”

Step 2. Ask yourself:

• “Was this entirely within my control?” (e.g., my effort, my preparation, my attitude, my response)
• “Was this partially within my control?” (e.g., how I communicate, how I prepare for contingencies, processes I’m responsible for)
• “Was this entirely outside my control?” (e.g., someone else’s decision, marketforces, unexpected events)

Step 3. Reallocate Your Energy

• For anything entirely or mostly outside your control, consciously practice acceptance. “It happened. I can’t change it. My energy is better spent on what I can do. Are there adjustments or actions I can take in a similar situation down the road to influence the outcome? If no, that’s okay, let go, move on.”
• For anything within your control, identify one actionable step you could take differently next time, or one way you could respond with greater wisdom or resilience.
• Example (Client): “I cannot control the client’s request, but I can control my response. Next time, I will politely explain the scope limitations up front or offer a clear revised quote.”
• Example (Colleague): “I cannot control their punctuality, but I can control how I plan my deadlines to account for potential delays, or how I communicate my needs more clearly.”
• Example (Marketing Campaign): “I can’t force leads, but I can analyze the data, iterate on the ad copy or explore new channels.”

This simple audit helps you vividly see where your mental and emotional resources are best invested, guiding you away from the futility of worrying about the uncontrollable and towards empowering action. This is the cornerstone of Stoic practicality in your professional life.

Indifferents and the Six Realms: Staying Grounded in the Human World

Stoic philosophy splits the world into three zones: what’s in our control, what isn’t, and what falls in between — what the Stoics call indifferents. And here’s where people often get tripped up: “indifferent” doesn’t mean something is unimportant. It means it’s neither good nor bad in itself. It doesn’t define your character, and it doesn’t control your choices.

Money, reputation, praise, criticism, growth metrics, contracts won or lost — all of these are indifferents. The Stoics classify them as preferred indifferents (things it’s reasonable to want) and dispreferred indifferents (things we’d prefer to avoid), but both remain ultimately outside our direct command.

Now let’s bring this down from the ivory tower and into daily business life. Think of your inner state like the Six Realms of Buddhist thought — psychological landscapes we can inhabit at any given moment.

• The God Realm tempts us when a big win makes us feel untouchable.
• The Demi-God Realm pulls us in when ego and competition drive our choices.
• The Hell Realm is that spiral of anger and blame when something fails.
• The Hungry Ghost Realm emerges when we can’t get enough praise, money, objects, or validation.
• The Animal Realm appears when we operate on instinct alone, without reflection.
• And the Human Realm—imperfect, grounded, self-aware—is where growth happens.

Here’s the key: a preferred or dispreferred indifferent can act like a doorway to any of these realms. A glowing client testimonial (preferred indifferent) can lift you into the God Realm, where hubris blinds you to coming challenges. A marketing failure (dispreferred indifferent) can drop you straight into the Hell Realm, where frustration turns into paralysis.

But it doesn’t have to. You can notice the doorway and choose to stay in the Human Realm — that balanced place of clarity, responsibility, and learning.

Practicing the Human Realm Response

The table below shows how this looks in real business situations:

Situation	Indifferent Type	Realm Pull	Human Realm Response
You win a major contract	Preferred	God or Demi-God Realm (overconfidence, rivalry)	Acknowledge the win, express gratitude, plan wisely for delivery without assuming future success is automatic
A marketing campaign flops	Dispreferred	Hell Realm (anger, blame)	Analyze with clear eyes, extract lessons, and adjust strategy without personalizing the failure
A client criticizes your work	Dispreferred	Hungry Ghost Realm (need for approval) or Hell Realm	Treat feedback as data. Use what’s useful, discard the rest. Your worth isn’t on trial
Colleagues praise you publicly	Preferred	God Realm or Hungry Ghost Realm	Accept graciously, stay humble, and keep focus on the work itself

When you see indifferents clearly and understand how they tug at your psyche, you gain the freedom to choose your realm rather than be dragged into one.

Anchoring Your Center

Staying in the Human Realm isn’t about being emotionless. It’s about remaining aware and deliberate when external events tempt you toward ego, fear, craving, or despair. You can:

1. Name the indifferent. Is this praise, criticism, revenue, or reputation?
2. Notice the realm pull. Where is your mind trying to go?
3. Choose to return to center. Respond from clarity, recognize what you can and cannot control and choose your actions deliberately.

Indifferents will always swirl around us — they’re the weather of career and business life. But your internal landscape is your domain. By recognizing what you can and cannot control and indifferents for what they are, you step out of the storm and back into the grounded, adaptive Human Realm, where real progress happens.